|Yes, I have four different kinds of cuticle oil.|
2. Until last week, I was terrified of using a foam roller. I always thought that the people at my gym who used them looked like a rare crossbreed of embarrassing and pretentious and I like to just try and look as normal as possible while I'm working out. Unfortunately, I went and effed up my right IT band last week and because I don't particularly love limping around like a grandma with a hip replacement, I looked up some videos and started foam rolling. Of course, just to confirm my worst fears, a guy I have a mild crush on walked by while I was mid-hip roll and now I'm mortified because, seriously? It's just not even possible to NOT look awkward on a foam roller. I've accepted it. But seriously dude, why couldn't you walk by when I was showing off my superior flexibility during post-cardio stretching? Or how about after I've spent 45 minutes in the locker room straightening my hair and putting on makeup? Since when are you even a member here, eh? Nevermind. Moving on.
3. I am completely, 100% baffled by the concept of life balance. It's implausible to me. (Also implausible: marriage before I'm 57 years old. My mom suggested that I could be married in the next few years [read: she wants me to move out as soon as possible] and I laughed in her face for hours. No way, Mamacita. It's you and me and slumber parties and hair braiding and ghost stories until I'm on Medicare and finally making millions!) Anyways, I have no idea how to juggle friends and family and work and other work and staying healthy and sane. How the HELL do working mothers do it? How do they not gain 800 pounds, forget the definition of a hair brush and cry themselves to sleep at night? Oh, most of them do? Ok, well that makes me feel better.