I get you.

Before I begin, please don’t laugh at me.

I’ve harbored this weird obsession with fake glasses for the past year. I know they go against my anti-hipster bent, but what can I say? I want in on the cult.

It all began in London. While studying abroad, I spent nearly every Friday morning perusing Portobello Market — a huge outdoor cluster of street vendors in Notting Hill. At the market, there was a sunglass stand owned by this hilarious vendor who always wore giant plastic clown glasses. He’d help everyone figure out exactly which pair they should buy — throwing frames around the tent and giving customers a thumbs up or a thumbs down.

Once, I put on a pair of square fake glasses and peered into one of the stand’s tiny mirrors. I loved them, and I waved down the owner for a second opinion.

“No, no,” he said. “You look too serious in those. You look like my doctor.”

“Oh,” I said. Reluctantly, I put them down, bought a pair of huge tortoiseshell sunglasses and tried to forget about my craving for fake specs.

I had all but given up on my dream of looking like a bookish young coed until a few weeks ago, when I borrowed my friend Justin’s pair of plastic glasses for a day.

Immediately, I became re-infatuated and went out to buy a pair for myself. But thus far, they’ve been sitting on top of my dresser with the price tag still attached ($6 at Forever 21, if anyone’s interested). I’m chickening out — I’m too afraid of people making fun of me when I wear them.

Fashion, after all, is the most basic form of nonverbal communication — without a word, your dress can convey your personality. So what would fake glasses say about me? Either that I’m an extroverted attention craver or quiet and reclusive. You take your pick.

And it’s not just glasses. A few weeks ago, New York Magazine’s fashion blog, The Cut, posted an entry about the slowly evolving sweatpants trend.

But before any of you late sleepers get too excited, these aren’t the kind of sweatpants with “PITT” screen-printed down the leg. These are made of cashmere or high quality jersey and cut to look like much trendier pants.

The Cut’s article detailed how the trend started (with designers Alexander Wang and Isabel Marant) before explaining its paradox: To the untrained eye, they look sloppy and ridiculous, but to those in the fashion know, they look ahead of the curve. For all we know, everyone will be wearing harem sweatpants two years from now.

Despite my constant outcries against dressing like a slob, I actually kind of like the new iteration of sweatpants. But here’s the thing: Even if I did muster the courage to buy a pair, I’d be worried about how other people would perceive them — always fearing someone would cast me one glance and say, “Oh look, you’re a slob too.”

That’s the thing about fashion: For every person who praises your bravery to rock something different, there’s going to be someone who laughs hysterically at you the second you walk by. It’s up to you to decide who’s worth listening to.

As for me, I’m still trying to put on my brave face and wear my fake glasses in public. If and when I do muster enough confidence to head outdoors, please, I beg of you, be kind.

Across the pond, style comes naturally

I spent most of last summer studying abroad in London. While plans to move back seem to be growing more difficult by the day, (thank you, economic downturn, feel free to end anytime now), I flip through my pictures on a weekly basis and dream of having unlimited access to Topshop and Portobello Market.

Though it’s been months since I arrived back, I am left contemplating the differences between American and European fashion sense. I’m not going to turn this into some big anti-American rant because really, we’re not that bad, but you have to hand it to those kids overseas — they sure know how to pull themselves together in the morning.

Aside from possessing the ability to eat normal portions of food, Europeans have a knack for throwing on outfits in a way that simultaneously screams effortless and spot-on trend.

When I was in London, I felt decently comfortable with my style. Brits are pretty quirky, so it was OK to look somewhat intentionally mismatched — which is a great thing when one suitcase of clothes needs to last a month and a half.

In Paris, however, I constantly felt intimidated by the people surrounding me. Practicality is thrown out the window. The sight of a woman zooming around on a moped in 5-inch heels never failed to flabbergast me. I mean, my God — I refuse to even wear heels to walk from my apartment on Dawson Street up to Hemingway’s!

Sure, not everyone in Europe is running around in some straight-off-the-runway couture gown, but for the most part everyone is at least dressed. You don’t see people — not even the teenagers — loafing around in sweats. They’re in clothes that are well-made and tailored to perfection.

Here in America, it’s no secret that we’re a little late in the game when it comes to fashion trends. We scramble to get into trends four years after they make a European debut. We’ll buy whichever iteration we can get the cheapest, sacrificing fit and quality in a desperate attempt to appear “in-the-know.”

In America, we feel guilty about everything — possibly a lasting complex over that whole stomping-in-and-taking-the-Native-Americans’-land thing. We feel guilty about getting what we want. We feel like if something brings us pleasure, we shouldn’t have it. We feel guilty about free time, as if having a few hours to ourselves each day is something to be embarrassed about, like it must mean we don’t work hard enough.

We feel guilty about wearing the same outfit three times in the same month. The French, on the other hand, will buy one solid outfit a season and wear it to shreds. The quality is impeccable, of course. Sometimes I think it would be nice to feel satisfied by buying one designer outfit a season, rather than spending money left and right to always feel “updated”.

Perfection, too, seems to be an American preoccupation. After all, does the poster child of Europe have enough plastic surgery to make Joan Rivers jealous? No, not at all. Los Angeles, a land of nose jobs and breast implants, has no foreign counterpart.

Instead, the beauty regimens of Europeans focus far more on natural beauty. They eat and drink to take care of their skin. They can run out to the farmer’s market to pick up their evening’s produce without a hint of makeup on and their hair in a lopsided knot. Yet you can bet they’ll look way better than shellacked Americans making their way to the grocery store to buy over-processed food in overpriced outfits.

While I think we could all benefit from a hefty dose of European nonchalance, I’m still a big fan of America. I have a tremendous deal of pride in a country that gave birth to Ralph Lauren and Marc Jacobs. I would, however, like to take this opportunity to give a big shout out to Sweden. To the masterminded country behind H & M: If it weren’t for you, my closet would probably be empty.

If I could be granted ONE wish right now...

...it would be an all-expenses paid trip to London.

And I would've left on Thursday night, so I could witness every second of Fashion Week. For LFW's website, they asked designers to name their favorite spots in London. I was reading through them whilst silently weeping and wishing I was still there.

Amanda Whakely said, "Portobello Market on a Friday morning." Aye. That was my favorite thing to do on Friday mornings over the summer. I didn't have class or work, so I'd jump on the tube and patrol the stands for souvenirs and interesting characters.

If I were flying over to London right now, on board with all the Voguettes, this is what I'd wear.

Garance Goes Gap

I'm not really much of a t-shirt buyer, but I absolutely want one of these amazing Garance Dore sketch tees. She's collaborating with Gap for an exhibition that celebrates their 40th anniversary. Check it out at the pop up shop on Carnaby Street during London Fashion Week. As if I needed another reason to wish I was back across the pond.

Geek chic

I went through this phase in London where I really wanted glasses. I kept trying them on everywhere I went, slowly convincing myself they weren't that ridiculous. I wanted to look cool, like this chick Garance Dore photographed, but with darker, squarer frames:

I spent a lot of Friday mornings at Portobello market. There was one particular sunglass stand owned by this hilarious guy who wore those oversized plastic clown glasses and told you exactly what he thought about each pair you tried on.

I probably tried on 20 different pairs one day. He'd give me a thumbs up or thumbs down and throw suggested shades across the tent. We chatted about the pros and cons of living in the UK and American television. He told me if I ever wanted to move there permanently, he'd sponsor me. I told him I'd get back to him on that one.

I put on a pair with clear lenses and slowly peered into the tiny mirror. I kind of loved them, but heard my new found friend and voice of reason say, "No, no. You look too serious in those. Like my doctor. Try these."

He threw another pair over to me.

I bought them and wore them every day in Paris:

£5. Worth every pence. I still occasionally contemplate buying fake glasses, though. Would you?

Shopping Report

I'm not that into historical site seeing. Monuments and buildings generally don't mean much to me. Terrible, I know. I love going to modern art museums, but nothing quite acclimates me to a different culture like shopping. (And Mom, if you're reading this, don't fret. I did go around and see all the boring stuff too. And I've been careful about my purchases here, mostly because I wanted a chance to see as much as possible before I decided what was worthy of my poor old dwindlin' dollars.)
If you're lucky enough to be heading to London anytime in the near future, this is where I recommend you go:

1. The markets: absolutely the best way to shop over here. You can literally find anything, (including this really classy nurse uniform, as elegantly modeled by my flatmate in Camden) and its guaranteed to be unique and generally not too expensive. My favorite is Portebello Road [pictured above]; it has a great atmosphere and inspiring aesthetic. The cheapest (and craziest) is Camden Market--a good place to pick up souvenirs for friends. East London markets are a little more expensive, but spend a Sunday browsing Spitafields, Sunday Up, and Brick Lane markets and you're sure to find something.

2. The vintage stores: Londoners have great style, meaning their consignment stores are chock-a-block full of great stuff. East London has the highest concentration of vintage shops--Blondie, Absolute Vintage, and Rockit are the major ones. Pretty much every neighborhood has a range of second hand stores, stocked with everything from designer scores to stained tees.

3. The boutiques: I read through travel books, magazines, and websites and made a long long list of boutiques I wanted to visit while I was here. Honestly, I haven't seen half of them and don't really mind. It's impossible to see (or locate) all of them. The best thing to do in London? Take the tube somewhere, get out, and walk around. Fashion cardio. Wander in and and out of any store that catches your eye. Covent Garden, Notting Hill, and east London all have a dense population of cute places.

4. The chains: The greatest thing about European chains is that they carry trends long before their US counterparts. It's easy to find really cool stuff for really cheap prices if you shop around enough. My favorite inexpensive chains are Primark, Dorothy Perkins, Next, Topshop, H+M (I swear it carries completely different stuff than the American stores. Way, way better.), Zara, Office, Joy, and Uniqlo. So basically, every chain. I never want to shop at the King of Prussia mall again.

Regardless of how much you actually buy, wandering around the shopping areas in London are overwhelmingly inspiring. (at least the less-touristy areas. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT head anywhere near Oxford Circus on the weekends. You'll have an anxiety attack and regret it.) You'll get loads of style ideas from the store displays and other shoppers. So much better than flipping through a magazine or catalog. Though the UK has a reputation for bad customer service, I've found the people working in stores and market stalls to be incredibly friendly. However, this could just be because their intrigued by American accents.

As for my purchases, this is what I've gotten (not counting lots of souvenirs and such for other people): two dresses (a simple grey shift and a feistier leopard number), two belts (a white elastic one and a jaguar one), tortoiseshell sunglasses, charms, and a very gigantic black sun hat (that's the black thing looming in the corner.)

Graduate Fashion Week

This afternoon I had the distinct pleasure of checking out the London Graduate Fashion Week exhibition. I got to wander around exquisitely set up booths from all the top UK design schools and check out clothing and portfolios from all the up-and-comers in the fashion industry.

GFW started in 1991 as a cohesive way to present the country's young talent. It's helped folks like Stella McCartney and Christopher Bailey get their start, so being there you definitely get the sense that you're surrounded by greatness.

Here's a bit of what I saw:

I'll be spending the rest of my night digging through the big bag of business cards and catalogs I picked up--all gorgeously designed, of course.

Reasons I Love the Brits Already

1. Monday is bank holiday. I love a country that doesn't need a reason to take the day off.

1. 2. A parliament member used tax money for makeup. That's my kinda girl. So much better than stealing staplers from the supply closet.


2. 3. Everyone looks effortlessly stylish here, as if they could throw on anything from their closet and walk out the door. It makes me want to clean out my wardrobe, bad. I thought it'd be terrible to pack enough clothes for 7 weeks in one suitcase, but it makes getting dressed so much easier! I've only brought clothes I really love, so I can put on anything and be ok with it. Perhaps this is what Europeans do everyday?

4. Topshop. Really needs no explanation. I've been waiting years to peruse these racks.