Sunday Confessional

Yes, I have four different kinds of cuticle oil.

1. I compulsively apply cuticle oil throughout the day. Maybe it's because I'm always staring down at my nails typing away on the keyboard, so I'm perpetually reminded of how ragged-looking they are and it kind of ruins my self esteem. And since manicures are m.f.ing expensive, I just keep laying on the cuticle oil. Seriously sometimes five times in one day. It's an obsession. Recently I bought the Sally Hansen VitaSurge cuticle gel. It does the job, but it has these little orange bits (like those things that are the best part of using hand sanitizer!) that sort of get stuck in the sides of your nail and are bothersome. So I would maybe just stick with the regular oil next time. Moving on.

2. Until last week, I was terrified of using a foam roller. I always thought that the people at my gym who used them looked like a rare crossbreed of embarrassing and pretentious and I like to just try and look as normal as possible while I'm working out. Unfortunately, I went and effed up my right IT band last week and because I don't particularly love limping around like a grandma with a hip replacement, I looked up some videos and started foam rolling. Of course, just to confirm my worst fears, a guy I have a mild crush on walked by while I was mid-hip roll and now I'm mortified because, seriously? It's just not even possible to NOT look awkward on a foam roller. I've accepted it. But seriously dude, why couldn't you walk by when I was showing off my superior flexibility during post-cardio stretching? Or how about after I've spent 45 minutes in the locker room straightening my hair and putting on makeup? Since when are you even a member here, eh? Nevermind. Moving on. 

3. I am completely, 100% baffled by the concept of life balance. It's implausible to me. (Also implausible: marriage before I'm 57 years old. My mom suggested that I could be married in the next few years [read: she wants me to move out as soon as possible] and I laughed in her face for hours. No way, Mamacita. It's you and me and slumber parties and hair braiding and ghost stories until I'm on Medicare and finally making millions!) Anyways, I have no idea how to juggle friends and family and work and other work and staying healthy and sane. How the HELL do working mothers do it? How do they not gain 800 pounds, forget the definition of a hair brush and cry themselves to sleep at night? Oh, most of them do? Ok, well that makes me feel better.

When it rains, it pours.

I'm not a huge rain boot fan. They're heavy and clunky and not particularly flattering to your calf size. In theory, they're adorable and perfectly preppy. But often times in execution, they're quite the pain.

I had a pair of striped wellies in high school that did manage to brighten my spirits on gloomy days -- my English teacher routinely paused class to marvel them whenever I incorporated them into my outfit.

A couple years ago I bought a pair of riding-style Hunter's -- I liked their slimmer fit more than the classic boots. They became incomparably useful this past winter, when Pittsburgh was perpetually buried under foot upon foot of snow. (Apparently no one thinks shoveling sidewalks or plowing major roads is important over there.) I wore them nearly every day and, much to my own disbelief, they minimized my cold-weather-wipeouts to just ONCE the whole season! I usually average out around three a day from December to March. This was a big deal. By the end of the season, though, I dreaded pulling them on and off. If you've ever continually worn the same pair of shoes day-in and day-out, you'll know that it's not the most comfortable situation in terms of blisters.

There is something particularly empowering about being able to stomp around town, completely oblivious as to what you're walking through, though. No dodging icy spots, no leaping over puddles. If you've ever considered investing in a pair of Hunter's, I highly encourage the purchase. They are infinitely better than any cheapo things you can buy at Target and I promise you they'll last as long as you need them. My mom has a tremendous olive green pair that she's had forever.

As I recently realized that I can now wear heels whenever I'd like due to my recent suburban re-location, it's also dawned on me that I don't have a huge need for rain boots anymore. Nowadays if the weather is unfortunate, I can find indoor entertainment alternatives. Recently, my time has been focused on re-vamping my bedroom. And when I say re-vamping, I really just mean cleaning it out so all my crap from college fits inside. I'm making slow but steady progress -- last weekend alone provided three bags of trash, two bags for Plato's Closet, and six bags for Goodwill. Not to mention three boxes and some furniture that I put into storage. It's ridiculous how much stuff one can accumulate over the years...

In which I shamelessly ask you to win me $500.

While checking on my Piperlime order status, (I spent waay too much on waay too many pairs of shoes. Here's hoping none of them fit and I can send them all back.) I noticed that they're doing a little styling contest. You can pick out pieces from the site, put them on a model, and choose a background. So I whipped together an entry, loosely based on the outfit I'm wearing. If you're feeling generous, click on this link and vote for my look! If I win, I get a $500 gift card and I can keep all my shoes, plus buy a few more. Thanks a mill, kiddos!

Made for walking

I recently relocated to suburban Philadelphia for a job in publishing. While there's nothing I love more than the Mainline in late summer (easy access to the beach! sales at the King of Prussia mall! outdoor seating at restaurants without melting in the heat!) the laziness of the 'burbs is freaking me out.
When I lived in Pittsburgh, I'd think nothing of walking a few miles to avoid paying for the bus. Now? I think nothing of moving my car from one side of a shopping center's parking lot to the other. It's awful. I need to end this behavior immediately before it becomes customary. However, now that I'm no longer in college and my body doesn't have to metabolize gallons of bottom shelf liquor every weekend, I've found that as long as I manage to, I don't know- get out of bed everyday, it's pretty easy to stay fit.
The one major advantage to living in the burbs? I can wear heels. I'd sworn against them when I was walking everywhere in the city, but now that my farthest pedestrian commute is from the parking lot to my cubicle, I'm ready to make some footwear investments.

The coolest thing I'd never wear

That's right boys and girls, they're invisible shoes. Designed by Brazil-born Andreia Chaves, the footwear is made of mirrors and seems like just the thing to punch up your little black dress for New Year's Eve.

Chaves has designed a bunch of other crazy looking shoe contraptions, which you can look at over at Refinery 29.

Love for fashion started at an early age

I was digging through my closet while I was home for Thanksgiving break and stumbled upon a small red suitcase filled with my very first writing samples.

Among the viola sheet music, a Jonathan Taylor Thomas poster and diaries covered in ballet shoes and Beatrix Potter characters, were two pieces of loose-leaf paper covered in my oversized, elementary-school handwriting.

What did the 8-year-old Sam have to say back then, you ask? Well, turns out my affinity for accessories started early.

The work was actually a short story: A king in India gets annoyed that after he takes a bath in the river, he steps onto the sand and his feet get dirty. So he gives his faithful servant, Gabu, three days to solve the problem or else he will be beheaded. Poor Gabu tries to sweep and wash all the sand away, but with no luck. He decides to cover the entire country with a big piece of leather, but someone complains that the flowers and grass can’t grow.

“‘So what am I supposed to do?’ asked the king. An old man took out some scissors and some leather straps. He cut around the king’s feet and then tied leather straps from the pieces under his feet to his ankles. ‘How do you like them?’ the old man asks. ‘I love them!’ the king says. Yes, the king was wearing the first pair of shoes.”

Not exactly the most stunning closing line, but the moral of the story is that in my elementary-school glory I realized shoes were pretty great.

Other than a marginal improvement in my grasp of punctuation, not a whole lot has changed since then.

My roommate and I were in New York a few weeks ago, and as we walked around the Upper East Side, we had a lengthy discussion about the transformative quality of shoes. Few other articles of fashion possess an equal ability to step-up your outfit. You can wear a Hanes T-shirt and jeans, but if you’re wearing a really fantastic pair of boots, it’ll look like you’re completely in the fashion know.

This is why I’m morally opposed to flip-flops and those icky brown clogs. They don’t do anything for any outfit you could possibly hope to pull off. I’ve seen many outfits ruined by the wrong footwear. I cringe when I see girls running around in otherwise great ensembles only to look down at their feet and spy a pair of decrepit shoes that look like they were shipped straight from the Ugly”R”Us catalog from two seasons ago.

Let’s not even get started on Crocs and those MBT (Masai Barefoot Technology) sneakers that are supposed to improve your posture. You should know by now that these are simply unacceptable.

Also, wearing flip-flops to a formal is a mortal sin. This is not up for debate, OK? If you can’t stand spending the night in stilettos, get a dressy pair of flats.

Fashion novices, take note. You can fool everyone into thinking you know exactly what you’re doing if you get just one pair of nice shoes. I know — shoes are expensive. Which is why December is the perfect time to fill your footwear void if needed.

While the holidays are supposed to be about giving, I find there’s not better time of year to be completely self-indulgent. Take this opportunity to get exactly what you want. Now is the perfect time to ask for that Hermes leather bag you’ve been eying or a pair of Christian Louboutin heels.

Just kidding.

I’m all about charity and community service, especially in December. However, if you are writing a list for Santa, I encourage you to request a nice pair of boots or flats. By investing a little more in your footwear, you can get away with scrimping on the rest of your clothes. A $10 shirt and a $30 pair of jeans will look like a million bucks if you pair them with a great pair of shoes.

(Click my scribbles to enlarge)

Wishful Thinking

It seems as if all my favorite footwear is falling apart at once.

My Tory Burch flats are literally bursting at the seams, poor souls (soles? ha...), and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Is it repairable?

Meanwhile, my over-the-knee faux leather boots are disintegrating around the toe. The "leather" is flaking off bit by bit and I'm quite distraught.

So, I figure now is as good a time as any to start considering some replacements:

Pay day, please come soon.

From left: Urban Outfitters; Piperlime; Zappos

Check yes or no

Riddle me this:

The Proenza Schouler model pictured above definitely, totally has leg hair.

• Yes?
• No?

Gross.

The shoes are pretty sweet, though.

Maybe someone should show this chick a clip of that episode of ANTM when Fatima gets yelled at for showing up to set "ungroomed."

Chicken of the Sea

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, but you can't go around telling people about it, ok?

I'm a Jessica Simpson fan.

Not of her music. Oh God, no, not her music. Living in Pittsburgh hasn't affected me that much.

But of the person? Yeah, I kind of am a fan.

Of the shoes? Major fan.

Normally I don't endorse the whole celebrity fashion line thing, but for some reason I always love Jessica's shoes. So much so, I've got two pairs of her flats. Neither are the most comfortable things in the world, but they're so freaking cute, no?

Knock off of a knock off

I've been infatuated with these Gucci ankle boots for as long as I can remember. The gold studs, gorgeous black leather, cute little zipper. Perfection. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever possess the $995 needed to purchase them, so I tried to push them out of my mind and find a fulfilling replacement.

Luckily, Steve Madden has been ripping off high end designers for his entire career. So imagine my excitement when I saw the Marrvel studded bootie months ago.

My only issue? These came out in the winter and they're still not on sale. Anywhere. And I'm not coughing up $130 for them anytime soon.

But I really want these shoes and I'm not giving up that easy. So today I finally ended my strenuous search. Who came to my heroic rescue? Brace yourself: Alloy. Yeah, that catalog that somehow tracked down your contact information in middle school and still floods your mailbox a few times each season.

I snagged these for less than $50. They're clearly no where near as fabulous as the Gucci ones and I'm a little disappointed the studs aren't gold like the Steve Madden ones. And I'm feeling a little guilty about committing two fashion sins: buying a knockoff and buying cheap heels. But I already have outfits planned so I kind of don't care.